I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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