Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
