Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
