I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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