Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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