I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
