Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
