absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
