What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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