How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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