You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
