the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
