Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
