Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
