Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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