just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
