Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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