oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm like, not good at living.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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