You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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