Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
