We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
wow bdsm is so cute
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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