I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
