did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
