I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it was like eating out sand paper
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
