You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
be right there i have to get my cape
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
