Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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