Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
