I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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