non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
