My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
