she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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