i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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