Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
