My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
