I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
