so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
