Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
