U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
