its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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