Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
