Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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