Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We left the knife in your bed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize