overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
