the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
