its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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