I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
