grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
