It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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