Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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