my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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