sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
