i think my tv is drunk
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
