You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
