And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
People in love make me want to vomit
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
