wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
