So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
