If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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