don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
