yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
