dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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