He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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