I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
