Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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