May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Randomize
