there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
