last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
