I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
