Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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