dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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