i just wanna soil my oats bro
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
50% drunk capacity currently
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
