I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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