It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
