WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
