Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We need to get me chipped asap
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
