it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
