The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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