LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you