i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?