Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future