margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?