So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
