i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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