TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
