I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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